Lost

This is an experiment. I’ve never been a writer of poems but this time I've given it a crack. I greatly appreciate anyone who reads it :)

This one is a bit personal. I’m exploring what it feels like to have to trade feelings for a parent’s comfort…then being unable to reconnect with them later. It’s cringey, full of forced rhyme and too much telling… so be warned!

Lost

Lost my compass long ago..
In the river called sacrifice

Mother was teaching me to smile:

“Sadness, anger and fear are ugly,” she said
You must let them drown
Obediently I threw them away
To the bottom they sunk down

Unaware, my compass drowned with them
She forgot, it was bound
Like words and their meaning,

One can’t exist without the other

Oh but, smiling was easy now!
So I wore mine like a stain

Then at night
When all was quiet
I could hear the sounds
Of the things I’d drowned
beginning to cry out

Years passed.
I left home,
Hoping to find my path
But without my compass
I wandered around
The pieces I lost became loud

One day i met someone
He liked my smile
He took my hand and led the way
Let me borrow his compass too
The things I sacrificed never died
Just went quiet for a while

​At times​ along the road
bright red flags would wave
We passed them by​, paid no heed
I’d become colorblind​ anyhow

I guess my friend grew tired
Of being followed around
Not ready to be discarded

I did what I knew how

Look away when he sighs
​Don’t see the anger in his eyes
At night, wander through our words again
“I’m OK” :) I say
More proof I’ve gone insane

Years go by,

I have learned:

Ugly parts drown, never die

Just grow loud and angry at times
demanding to be found

It’s too bad
Try as I might
This smile is sticking around